You and I

What happened to us? Why can’t we go back to the way it was? I miss the times when we just sit back and relax and just talk and not forgetting eat. That’s the best part. Our laughter and our jokes is always the best. We made people look to our direction. They must be thinking, these people must be crazy. But we didn’t care because we were having the times of our lives. Some people are jealous of us because of our closeness even knowing each other for just a moment. We came from different backgrounds but we just connected. Did you know that because of my new found friendship with you, I was secluded by others? I don’t know why. I was really hurt by their actions that I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Putting the blame on myself for their actions. I wanted to cry but what’s the use of crying. Because I know that even when I cry, they will not come running to comfort me. I was sad and hurt by their actions because the years of friendship meant nothing to them. When I confronted them, they scolded me. I don’t know why. I didn’t want to ask them anymore because once bitten twice shy.

But you showed me otherwise. Thought life would be miserable here but then I met you. You who talked to me and showed me things I never knew existed in this place. You who smiled at me first when every time we crossed each other’s path staring. I remember the time when we connected was when the superstar in our class did the presentation. Then every time when the superstar did some silly things we would understand by just looking at each other. Then we would laugh and imitate just like the number ‘seven’. Whenever we group, we could never talk serious things because we’ll always end up making a joke out of it and laugh afterwards. Even at the library we can’t stop. Not forgetting the prank we did on the motorcycle. Gosh that was how crazy we were. I never knew that I could be included in doing such thing. I shall remember that always. The change of taste and atmosphere was all because of you. That one night that you made me cry with laughter. There was nothing different between us because we were all crying and laughing. Never thought that the prank you wanted to do on others but you did it to yourself too. Our feeling was all the same. You made me eat things that I knew I wouldn’t eat it back home. Also found you, who could really eat making me feel unembarrassed to eat. You thought me the meaning of life with food. Speaking of food, reminds of the time that I brought things for you from back home. It has always been our routine to hangout, joke, tease and laugh. If we didn’t do any of these, it would be weird and not complete when we hangout because that’s us. I would never want that to change. I like it just the way it is.

But then something happened. What went wrong? To blame you is wrong because there’s nothing to blame. If there’s nothing to blame then there’s nothing to assume. There’s nothing to assume because went I first found out who you are, I knew that you’re a person who is out going. I can’t tie you to me just because you’re my friend. You have your own freedom like I have mine. I know that when I befriended you, you already have your own friends and I totally respect that. That is just who you are. A person who loves to hangout with their friends. I appreciate that you introduced me to your friends and invite me to hangout with them. But I know when I should just leave you with your friends because I know that they are like your family. And I totally understand that. That’s where my respect for you comes. You can call me a person with lack of attention or stubborn just because I leave you with your friends. I accept it. But I like to see happy people because happy people equals to people with no problems. You can call me weird but I smile to myself when I see happy people even though I’m not in the picture. I also noticed that you have to divide your time between your friends and me and sometimes you need your own time for rest. Don’t tell me that little time for yourself too I have to take it away. I can’t do that. If I do it, then I’m selfish. You tell me not to look down on myself. It shows you care. I’m happy. But please don’t make the evil side of me come out. You’ve seen what it could do. It hurt one of our friends and I think it also hurt you at one point. I don’t know. Maybe I did hurt you in some ways but I didn’t realize I was doing it. That side of me even hurt those who are really close to my heart. I’ve been trying and still trying to keep that side of me buried. And it’s really hard to do. That’s why I need my friends to remind me when the evil side tries to come out. I need the reminder so that I could bury it back. I know that the world can’t change for me. It is I who should change for the world. You tell me to change my attitude. I accept that criticism but some things I just can’t change. Some people may be able to do it but no matter how hard I try I just can’t do it. It is already who I am. If someone did something bad towards me, I should be angry and go to that person and clarify things. But I can’t. Why? It is not because I do not want to. But some things are better left unsaid especially when you have known the reason behind that problem and that person has said their sorry. No matter I do, I just could not change that side of me. Just like us with the assumptions and to clarify things. I saw sadness in your eyes that were not meant to be there. It hurt me because I felt in a way that I’ve hurt you. Until now I could still feel the pain. You may have forgotten what you’ve said or what I’ve said. But it doesn’t matter because no matter what you think of me I’ll still love you. Why? Because in you, I found another meaning of friendship. And I know that feeling is hard to come by and it is not found in every person because every person has their own agenda. I’m not assuming this because once bitten twice shy and I’ve learnt from it and also other people’s experience in life when they tell me things. I try to put myself into their shoe to understand the situation. That way I won’t say things wrongly.

Maybe you won’t be able to remember this but there was, sometime back that you said to me, I don’t share my problems with you. It’s not that I don’t want to but I know that if I share with you, you will be worried for me and try to share my problems with me. To lift the burden off my shoulder. That’s what friends are for and I know it. And when we meet, there would not be that smile that I use to see. No jokes that I use to hear. So it is better for me to not destroy that smile because that smile helped me to forget my problems. So now you know the reason behind it. Maybe you don’t see the logicality behind it but try and put yourself into my shoe and see. This is just the way I am. Crazy things may come across your mind right now but I’ve learnt that the happiest of people don’t necessarily don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way. Just like when I found happiness in your smile, your laugher and your jokes and by just being with you. I don’t want to lose that happiness because I’ve lost it once and I know how it feels.